IC contact [Mask or Menace]

[infomodder]

"Gone fishing."

[ so don't leave messages to ruin the after fishing glow !!!

your one stop shop for not leaving him alone ]

Comments

[brushoff]

Oh my God
I never gave you your bachelor party
brb finding a strip joint

[infomodder]

I was kidding.
Don't worry about it. I have very specific taste in strippers anyway.

[brushoff]

Considering that April wanted a bat hooker for her birthday, I can kind of see that
I'll just buy you two some sexy handcuffs instead. That'll serve as a good wedding present.

[infomodder]

Giving a more literal meaning to the old ball and chain there, Dorian.
But you're right, it would be a good one.

[They can chain Jeff to the bed when he starts trying to get Will up for early morning runs.]

[brushoff]

It's either that or a sex doll.
I went with something you'd use more often

[infomodder]

[Jeff could have the sex doll.]

Should I be alarmed you're invested in making my sex life work or take it as a compliment?

[brushoff]

It's just me being a shit, interpret as you will.

[infomodder]

As I will?

[isn't he hilarious]

[brushoff]

You're grinning like an idiot on your end of the phone, aren't you.

[infomodder]

You are correct.
I'm sure you can imagine it accurately by now.

[or does he need to send a selfie]

[brushoff]

I've got a lovely mental image of you grinning like a maniac
I think I've got it.

[infomodder]

oh btw while I have you
Called boss cop boss
He asked where that came from and since when did I have a sense of humor
Heard somebody else try it
Cop boss called him a shit-eating son of a bitch and reminded him his annual review was in two weeks
So thanks for that
Cop boss and I get along better now
The other guy and I not so much
But
I don't mind not getting along with shit-eating sons of bitches

[brushoff]

You know how I talked about how I could imagine your big grin earlier?
I'm giving you one of the same.

[infomodder]

:D

[brushoff]

;)

[infomodder]

<3?

[Blame Jeff Winger for that one.]

[brushoff]

Who taught you how to make a heart?
That's just too cute.

[infomodder]

Jeff. Winger? The lawyer. Really tall.
He didn't teach me, it's pretty obvious what it is and how to make it. He's just the one who kept using them at me until I used them back.

[brushoff]

Oh yeah I know him.
He's a cool guy.
Glad to see that you've got great taste in friends (aside from the obvious of course)

[infomodder]

He's our new roommate so I suppose that makes us a little more than friends.
And thank you for complimenting my taste. You are too kind.

[Totally gonna give Jeff the Dorian blood and sex couch and then invite Dorian over tbh.]

[brushoff]

[ While Jeff wonders why Dorian's grinning like an idiot for the entire visit. ]

It's a wonder you and April ever manage to get alone time with how many people/animals must be at that house.

[infomodder]

[e x a c t l y]

It's not so bad.
And April's had her raccoons ever since before I met her, so I'm used to it. Not like they sit around with big bowls of popcorn and 3d glasses and commentate.

[brushoff]

[ stop
wait a minute ]

Well yeah, but I know some dogs whine if you shut them up for too long. Maybe raccoons do to?
And hold on a moment
I'm just realizing that if she's had them for that long, then those raccoons have probably seen her masturbate.

[infomodder]

[SHE'S HIS WIFE DORIAN WHY????//./.?/;;]

The raccoons have special walkways around the house, no one shuts them up. They run the place.
Have you never owned pets? Dogs will walk right into the bathroom while you're swearing out that shady Mexican place you had for dinner and it's no problem. They're animals, they're not going to tell anyone. Or make it weird.

[brushoff]

Do I look like the type of person to own pets?

[ wait ]

Addendum, if this wasn't a text message, do I look like the type of person to own pets. Let me answer this for you, I don't. I poked at frogs with a stick as a child, that's about it.