infomodder | IC contact [Mask or Menace]

[One human is more than enough! Why people live in cities, it's like setting themselves up for a hellish time. So many other humans, no please.]

Don't think they were offended, but definitely confused about all the eating some of the rest of us have to do. [IA deserves to be shouted at, Will works for them here and he couldn't ever say otherwise. Shout away, Ray.] Been here long enough to meet vampires and all sorts, thought I'd heard it all. Not having to eat anything or understanding the concept is just...almost unbelievable.

[ It's a wonder Ray's from the innercity, basically. No one understands.... but yeah IA and Ray are not friends. It doesn't help that he used to box, uh.. not quite professionally. Feisty man is feisty. ]

Alright, i'll up and admit I haven't run into a vampire yet and I couldn't tell you how i'll feel when that car crash happens, but seriously- no eating? What's this like, a living on air kinda thing? Cause I mean, even goldfish gotta eat. [ Because that relates to anything at all?? ] And trees, right? Fraser'd know. But do they just- not want to?

[He can box Crane. Literally just come in and beat that man's ass to hell and back. Will would be more than okay with that. It's basically a civil service. Ray would deserve a medal for it.]

She said something about gems...guess it's an internal fuel source, don't need anything else. [The goldfish doesn't even register as odd, they're already talking about something completely odd in the first place. Everything strange is welcome right now. Good distraction.] Maybe it's like being your own Energizer bunny.

[ Point him in a direction, man. Just point. ]

... Uh huh. Sounds like something you'd hear on a commercial for some kids toy. Not that i'm out to talk shit about someone's internal combustion engine, but we both know it's true. [ C'mon Will, you know it!! ] But the Energizer bunny's gonna wanna go out for some carrot cake eventually, right, how could it not?

[Pointers are such good dogs........]

And you gotta collect a bunch of them, yeah. [Lapis and her friends are here to stand on your dresser as adorable gem people, it true.] You'd think so! But if the bunny's never had carrot cake before...doesn't know what it's missing to crave it.

[ Shh, Ray is fond of dogs. ]

Yeah, they were hawking that kinda crap to girls when we were kids, too. [ It makes so much more sense now... ] And now it just sounds like we're tryin to create addicts. Might get in trouble for that one.

[Only heartless monsters aren't fond of dogs.]

Wouldn't wanna get in trouble. [Would he??? Would he really??? But then it makes him think that they skipped all the general greetings and niceties and while that's totally okay with Will, it leaves him wondering:] Just called to talk about the culinary world?

[People...usually call him to talk about much worse stuff. Or the culinary world being used for said worse stuff. Please forgive.]

[ TRUE DAT. This is why he loves Dief like a bro.... but yeah okay maybe you caught him. He's on some strange mission to speak to people to... confirm things. Or something specific. ]

I mean, sure, i've got more than enough when it comes to the eating habits of the rich and poor. [ No he doesn't. ] But.. ah, y'know, I could probably manage a few other topics.

[ You are one of the very few 'sound' people here after Fraser. But even Ray isn't entirely sure what he's looking for. ]

[Mission: Sociable.

He's not sure if this is leading up to something, but he suspects (almost fears, even) that is a possibility. Ray's lack of being forthcoming about whether or not there is anything specific on his mind actually prods a bit of paranoia because what could be so bad? His last conversation was with Sasha and that turned into something he didn't prepare for and didn't like too much, but...it doesn't have to be that. It could just be some ~liaison~ stuff. Work.]

Just a few topics outside food, huh. [Light, jokingly, unsure if this ice is thin or thick. It's important to be well-rounded, balanced like a good breakfast with all the best nutrients...] Like what?

[ The thing that might come to light momentarily is that, all things considered, Ray is... fairly normal. Ish. At least up against the vast majority of people here. Not to mention, if it was truly so bad, the topic would be brought up with the one and only Fraser, so no one else is much at risk for overly frightening things.

.... Well, you could also say that's because he uuuusually only talks about 'real' subjects to Fraser, no matter what they are. Everyone else he gets the conversational dregs. So. Y'know. Progress. Hermits Unite. ]

Right. Okay. [ Ray is well rounded like a cup of black coffee. In a round mug. ] So, just running with this here: the whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing's a given when you're kids. Cause it just is. Them's the words.

But then you go and get all grown up and suddenly boyfriend just doesn't cut it. [ Someone hasn't dated another human in a long ass time. ] Lover's cheesy as fuck and we all know it, and partner... it's like you're trying to be discreet. Bullshit everyone. So what do you use?

[On the list of things Will Graham was not expecting, there's a lot. Then there's this, which was so far from any list he hadn't expected it at all. At least it isn't murder!

He goes silent, mulling it over. Will's lucky that he and April tied the knot, because yeah, after a certain age? Girlfriend and boyfriend just sounds...juvenile. Wife and husband are clear, and he's fortunate in that regard. But hrm.]

Significant other, maybe? [That's the only thing he can toss out with what he's been given, he feels.] Partner puts out the idea that you're on equal footing, sure, but people can take that as someone you work with instead of...what it sounds like you're going for.

[Ray said that he lived with his partner and Will assumed that exact same thing, after all.

Oops?]

[ Well. It wasn't oops before? Because they are partners. ("There are red ships and green ships, but there's nothing like partnerships," says Ray.) Or maybe it pretty much was an oops, Ray's still sort of baffled by his own life. Not that that isn't generally true to begin with, but...

And see, see! Not frightening. He's just polling people. People of one. You. ]

Yeah, but I do work with Fraser- I have for a few years, and christ significant other? [ He is making so many cringey faces right now that it's almost painful. ] I mean sure, he's significant, but that means he's some kinda other. Husband and wife was never this complicated.

... Gonna have to keep going with partner like an asshole, aren't I.

[As long as the red ships and green ships aren't like red shirts and green shirts...

Also rude!!! Nah, Will gets it. It's easy when one is a teenager, but when adulthood hits? Ugh words. Womanfriend and manfriend probably didn't catch on for a damn good reason. But maybe...]

Well. [Mulling it over again instead of being offended at the pain he caused with significant other, sorry Ray.] You could say you're dating, if you want to be clear about it.

[Last resorts.]

[ ... Well, Fraser's a Mountie and Ray wears a lot of green. So. There you have it.

But god he's so far out of his dating game that he's like in another universe here. It's not even Fraser's fault, it's the fault of a long ass marriage and falling in love when you're 13 and what are words even. ]

Start doing the Fraser thing where the introduction just gets longer and longer. [ He clears his throat, ready for this big reveal. ] So, ah- this is my partner Fraser. He's a Mountie, we've been dating for a month, but there was that time he kissed me a year ago so maybe we should'a cleared that up earlier.

[ Ahhhh, his life. ]

[Ahhhh, his life indeed. Will lets out a half-snort half-laugh by the end, agreement that it is a mouthful instead of the terrible laughing at him.]

At least neither of you are juniors, seconds, have titles, or rule over any lands?

[That would definitely make the introduction longer, though it could have some regal twist to it.

But the question isn't just because Hey, you can be grateful for this, at least, right? but because uh. Maybe Will's wrong with that thought. If there are legitimate superheroes and serial killers and Lucifer, like, why can't there be some dukes and duchesses and all in hiding, right? They've had princes before! Supposedly.]

[ Nah, you're good Will, he laughs at the ridiculous sinking ghost ship antics of his life too. And the "buddy breathing." All of things which he blames on Fraser.

But dear god, do not sign him up for dating a princess of whereverville, that sounds horrifying. RCMP is enough for him, a duchess would kick him out on his head faster than a Mountie could tie a knot. ]

Fraser does kinda like to throw his full title around, and that adds at least a few more seconds to the whole deal. But I don't even know what word he's using- should probably shake it out of him... If he's even using one. [ Huh. He hasn't had that thought before. ] Could always just call him Fraser of the North.

[A healthy relationship is one where you can blame pretty much everything on each other, it's true. Gold stars all around. Except maybe not with this lack of communication surfacing, how terrible.

Fraser of the North sounds like it belongs on Game of Thrones, though.]

What if he likes using boyfriend?

[Nightmare incarnate!!]

[ Sometimes Fraser and Ray miss the mark on communication, it's true, but hooo boy have they gotten infinitely better at it. They can even talk without talking (they almost never miss the mark anymore) but then things like this pop up....

... it totally does. ]

Then i'll go along with it. Fine with him, I can deal.

[ Because as volatile as Ray can be, he's also 100% easy going. As long as honesty is involved. As long as Fraser's telling him what he needs to hear, then we're all good. ]

[He even has his own direwolf already, the crossover writes itself.

Aw, Ray. What a good sport.]

I'll make sure to keep this conversation between us if I hear you suddenly using it, then.

[Or is he supposed to keep quiet overall??? Because he can do that, too. For stuff like this? Sure thing. Just be like "don't speak, boy," and he'll behave. No treats or head pats necessary.]

[ OH MY GOD it does. Not to mention he almost hooked up with his sister.... Well, Ray tried to hook up with her too but he obviously has a Mountie kink so whatever. ]

Nah, you don't gotta. I mean, maybe not with the calling him up to chat about it, but if it comes up, I can't see him getting too bothered by it. When you tell your partner you're a duet the second day of working with him, you start running out of fitting words real quick.

One'a those... hasn't really changed but is really fucking different.

[ He didn't really mean that in a pervy sense, he promises. Because that's too much sharing. But don't worry Will, he'll let you know if you need to be sworn to secrecy. ]

[For Canada is cold and full of terrors!?!?]

Shit, I'm— [Another short half-snort, half-laugh. Haha calling people up he doesn't know for reasons that aren't bordering on life and death what a hilarious joke.] —not the talking to people for no reason type. At all. Feel I should wish you good luck with getting the conversation going, though.

[It's only pervy if Will makes it pervy!

So he does not make it pervy. Life is great.]

[ AND WILD WILDABEASTS.

... Will why are you laughing, has he done something particularly funny. He's kind of squinting right now because hey now this is a reason! Gosh! This is totally a reason! ]

Hey. Hey! It's a reason, buddy. [ Because Ray is all confused right now and he doesn't want to admit it. ]

Want me to come up with some other topic? Can talk about immigration laws instead, and the government here beating you with sticks for going AWOL, but hey- I figured this one was easier. [ Huff huff, geez Will. Make his life sound stupid and all. ]

[Whoops, has he offended him? Time to zip it, no laughing, nope, no siree, back to taking this is all very very seriously. Super business tone, nothing funny here.

Nothing funny at all, because while Will would like to assume Ray is being sarcastic and whatnot...he does work within law enforcement. It could look extremely bad if their liaison just ignored that. He's supposed to listen, anyway. Will Graham knows full well that not everyone speaks and communicates the same.]

You've been beaten for going AWOL? Or heard about someone who has?

[ Yeaaaaahhhh, no. Offended he is not. Try a little harder, Will. Well. Actually. It doesn't take that much to piss him off, though you could talk to Jeff about what exactly it takes for Ray to punch people in the face. (Quite a lot, actually. Though violence in general is another story.)

And he was going to make some sort of comedic comment just to impress upon the fact that he's not upset or anything but woah, buddy- ]

That's what people're bein doled out with for that? [ His tone is somewhere between 'huh' and surprise. Mainly because Ray doesn't really care much about politics, he bullshits his way around them for the most part. But still. Some things are important to know. ] Thought it was just a thing.

Not as far as I know, but I've heard much more paranoid and completely unfounded theories about this government before.

[He was just trying to do his job, gosh. He's like Special Inspector Gadget, always on duty.]

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