IC contact [Mask or Menace]

[infomodder]

"Gone fishing."

[ so don't leave messages to ruin the after fishing glow !!!

your one stop shop for not leaving him alone ]

Comments

[infomodder]

[SHE'S HIS WIFE DORIAN WHY????//./.?/;;]

The raccoons have special walkways around the house, no one shuts them up. They run the place.
Have you never owned pets? Dogs will walk right into the bathroom while you're swearing out that shady Mexican place you had for dinner and it's no problem. They're animals, they're not going to tell anyone. Or make it weird.

[brushoff]

Do I look like the type of person to own pets?

[ wait ]

Addendum, if this wasn't a text message, do I look like the type of person to own pets. Let me answer this for you, I don't. I poked at frogs with a stick as a child, that's about it.

[infomodder]

No.
But it got you off the topic of my wife masturbating, which is exactly what it was meant to do.

[brushoff]

Come off it Will, you know she does it.
Everybody does it.
In fact, when you go off on fishing trips or whatever, she probably busts out the good old reliable Mr. Rabbit or Mr. Hitachi.

1/2

[infomodder]

Of course I know everybody does it!
But she's my wife, Dorian. She's not some dime a dozen booty call I don't give a shit about and am comfortable discussing her with the boys!

[infomodder]

What's Mr. Rabbit and Mr. Hitachi

[THE OTHER WINDOW MEN ARE REAL???]

1/2

[brushoff]

Oh my God

[brushoff]

Vibrators, Will
They're vibrators.

Congratulations, you've managed to make ME feel dirty.

[infomodder]

What?
Ours have different names.
How am I supposed to know what other people call their vibrators?

[brushoff]

They're brands of vibrators.

[ and, as an attachment, Dorian sends Will a picture of a rabbit vibrator and a hitachi magic wand. :| ]

[infomodder]

No bunny ears or whiskers or pink noses or anything?
I feel cheated.
Doesn't live up to the name.

[brushoff]

Some of them are pink? Does that help?

[infomodder]

As long as it does the job, guess it doesn't matter.
Call me when they make a Mr. Suckerfish. That would be a good one.

[brushoff]

There's probably one already
Sex toys can get pretty weird pretty fast

1/2

[infomodder]

I'd look it up but I'm at work.
Cop boss probably wouldn't be so okay if he came up on me from behind and saw sparkling pink flashy phallic items.

[He could go hide in Crane's office though. That would go over REALLY WELL.]

[infomodder]

"Inspired by nature, this Cucumber vibrator makes an ideal massager!"
There is a fruit and vegetable series!
Is this your payback for the ocean texts?

[brushoff]

You know, it probably is.
Wait until we get into the fun and exciting world of butt stuff.

[infomodder]

I'm not sure I should get into fun and exciting butt stuff with anyone but my wife.

[brushoff]

If she decides that's her thing, I can offer some tips.

[infomodder]

I'll pass along the message and will be out of the house at the nearest bar if you two ever have a conversation about it.

[brushoff]

Sometimes you're just no fun.

[infomodder]

That happens when you get married.

[brushoff]

Something that will never happen for me.

[infomodder]

If it does, I'll reupholster the couch and give it back.

[brushoff]

You'd regift me the sex couch as a wedding present.
Tacky!