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[A blaring sign he's become one of the family, that. Petting dogs nearby is as natural as breathing.]

I'm sure. [He lifts an eyebrow as life surges back through him, toes wiggling as he adjusts the glass on his belly.] Just not too much, all right? Don't wanna deal with him showing up here trying to get a hold of you.

[Don't make him too desperate and worried, basically. Chilton abuse is something that must be balanced.]

He'll be fine. Just gonna mess with him a little, see what I can get out of it. He might not even take the bait, but I get the feeling he'll be interested. [Because Jeff knows secrets!!!]

If he does show up here with alcohol for me, though, accept it and send him away. You can't turn down an offer like that.

[His smile is large, warm, fond, all the things a smile really should be. Not sly or finding delight in someone else's misery, just generally content. Happy. The sort of smile he so often gives April, had once been prone to tossing Abigail's way for literally anything she did.]

No, you can't. He shows up here with alcohol for you, it's gonna be the good stuff. You'll share with April and I, won't you?

[Spoilers: Will is going to take a drink before anyone else regardless of who takes this hypothetical gift because like hell is he going to be accepting any food-related gifts from certain people for a long time without doing a quick, understated poison test. Nope. Not happening. He'll fucking chug that shit in front of Chilton if he's tested.

Not a single person more in this house is going to do for preventable reasons. He'll play taste taster until he has no taste buds.]

[There will be no complaints from Jeff if Will wants to take it upon himself to test every gifted bottle of alcohol to pass through these doors, he'd rather that than worry about his insides turning to mush from a sip of something.]

Definitely. I probably owe you guys that, at the very least. [Especially if Will keeps smiling like that. That content little smile will have Jeff sharing his booze forever because BRO!]

I promise you, I'll keep the teasing to a minimum, and I'll only make him cry once, max.

[Bros 5eva. Even after death. Literally. The social link meter may very well explode at this rate.

Will seems to ponder the crying for a moment. Finally, he tilts his head and lifts an eyebrow as if he's come to some very profound and enlightened conclusion.]

Twice would be tolerable, too. [One for Jeff, one for Will. April will gets tears of her own if she wants, she don't need no help in that department.] Pictorial proof not necessary.

[This much bro is going to cause a brosplosion one of these days. And it'll be glorious.]

I dunno, pictorial proof would be pretty amazing though. I'm gonna make it happen. Video if possible, just to see those tears in motion.

[His actual kink is Chilton's tears.]

[It'll be very orgasmic.]

Starting to sound a liiiiittle sadistic there, Jeff.

[Except Will's not actually scolding him and doesn't even mean it too seriously. He can't, really, not when he's comfortable in someone else's bed and is now getting Sharkbait drool on him, too, since the dog seems to think Will is the other half of his human couch.

Everything is awesome.]

[There is so much drool. Why did Jeff have to get the affections from the bulldog, and not one of it's less drooly members of the family? He's left having to wash stuff way too often thanks to Sharkbait.]

Absolutely am, yeah. I'm thinking slow mo function too so you can really see the tears. [Dreamy sigh! And then a slow side glance to Will as he finally decides to come clean.]

You know I wouldn't hurt him, right? You don't have to worry about that. Maybe some light manipulation, sure, but what's that between friends?

You better not. I don't want to have to take off my belt and bend anybody over my knee.

[He means in the purely terrifying dad spanking way, of course, which is what makes it a joke because Jeff is definitely not a child. Not his child, not a child at all, and his height would probably make it difficult to get him across any knees. Sharkbait would likely give Will's ankle the kiss of death if he tried anyway.]

Careful with the manipulation. That's flirtation. For some people from Baltimore.

[But discussion of spanking is not flirtation. No.

Baltimore is fucking weird.]

[Just arching the most perfectly shaped of eyebrows at Will.]

So manipulation is foreplay? What the hell is spanking then? Second base?

[He never knew you felt that way~~~]

[To which he gets a long stare in return...before Will sits up, properly finishes off his drink, and shrugs.]

Depends on the context like anywhere else. Corporal punishment or something...you know.

[Sexual, he means. Too bad he's now firmly stuck watching Sharkbait's nose make ADORABLE little jiggles as he breathes. And drools, of course, but that's nothing new. Still adorable though.]

So, you bending me over your knee is... are you hitting on me, Will?

[He is all over that 'something'. Spanking in the context of 'something' is his favourite. Just... not with Will, sorry bro. Sharkbait's nose, however, is totally a better way to divert his attention, following Will's gaze to stare at the snorting, snoozing bulldog.]

[There's a pause. With almost comical timing, Will tears his eyes from Sharkbait's wigglytough self, staring up at Jeff with sheer confusion. The muted sort Will always displays, of course, but it's quite obvious to anyone who knows him well he's having a moment where he doesn't understand something (or anything) and can't keep it off his face. A moment where the gears of his mind spin damn near out of control as he attempts to make sense of it...and then he actually laughs, running a hand over his face.]

Jesus Christ. [Cut up by the laughter and muffled by his hand but still easily understood. The groaned sigh isn't burdened or displeased; sounds more like a noise of relief. It's good to laugh once in a while.] That was...that was a turn of phrase, Jeff. I don't actually. I wouldn't...

[Will's corporal punishment is lethal, so. No. He'd like to not have to unleash the wrath of the lamb ever again. Especially not one someone he cared about.]

You aren't my type. You don't have to worry about...that. From me.

[His type is April. That's why he put a ring on her. Eat that, Hannibal.]

[Aw, look at all that laughter and facepalming, it's almost a rare sight these days, especially in the last few weeks with all the shit that's been going on. Jeff's happy to smirk back at the amusement, eyes rolling with good nature because omg, Will, you adorable derp.]

I'm just screwing with you, Will. I don't honestly thing you've got a thing for me. [But Jeff sure has a thing for you, babycakes.] And even if you did, I'd be all over it. Nothing wrong with a good bromance to spice things up.

[He's not used to expressions of love from tall dudes coming from anything other than brutality, okay, give him a break. Actual bros are still a weird thing to him. Jeff isn't going to drive him up a wall to see if he'll murder somebody or try to eat him, that's just weird.]

Other than having to tell April what we've done. [He tsks like he's correcting a minor math error on a pre-test than anything else.] That whole infidelity aspect...or is that part of the spice?

[Not gonna force Will into cannibalism or murder or make him have seizures, Jeff really doesn't have to try too hard to be a good friend by Will's usual standards and he appreciates it.]

Who says she won't know from the start? She can be part of it. Watch, or join in if she'd prefer. We're all friends here, Will.

[The lack of effort will take him everywhere. A lack of effort includes a lack of effort to ruin everything Will loves, so. How can Jeff go wrong here?]

Is that a hypothetical you've thought about a lot, Jeff?

[So flat, so dry, so nonchalant.]

Surprisingly not. You guys are a cute couple, I wouldn't wanna stand in the way of that, even though your wife is super hot.

[And he means that with the greatest respect, because bros can tell bros that they have hot ladies, right?]

I don't know about cute, but... [A sharp inhale through his teeth.] ...April is super hot, that's right on the mark.

[The only reason "super hot" doesn't sound awfully old man-like is because he parrots Jeff saying it as a defense mechanism.]

Edited 2016-02-01 03:47 (UTC)

[Aw, but Will saying 'super hot' still sounds adorable.]

Yeah, so you can be safe in the knowledge that I won't be trying to pounce any threesomes onto you anytime soon. You just enjoy all that time you get with your wife. I'll just sit here. Alone. And sad. And alone.

[Will looks up at Jeff at that, one finger wriggling under Sharkbait's drooling mouth flaps to scratch his chins.]

You're not sitting here alone and sad right now.

[No pity parties when he's literally right here, bro. Jeff knows how to knock on the door or just barge in when he needs to. There is no reason to be sad or alone in Casa Ludgate-Graham. It's almost like it was designed that way...]

[That Sharkbait petting is surely just an excuse to get closer to touching Jeff's abs.]

You're not exactly my type though, Will. Good companion, don't get me wrong, but not exactly the kind of lady I'm looking for. I mean, we could try putting a wig on you...? But the beard would get pretty distracting.

[Obviously it's a subtle move into foreplay, yes. Good job, Jeff, you figured out the mysterious empathetic Will Graham where others are still miles behind.]

I'd offer to shave, but April likes the beard. [Sorry buddy, April's needs come first.] And I like not shaving. [He likes being lazy as hell about this particular habit, he means. Same thing.] It'd be a wig my usual hair color, right? Or would you go for something off the beaten path?

[Pink? Green? Long and curly and red???? NO.]

I'm thinking something long and blonde. You might make a pretty good blonde, but you can now see my issue with the beard. Wouldn't match.

[Because obviously the only thing keeping Jeff away from Will is the beard. Nothing to do with him being married and also male.]

Maybe see if April likes the wig idea. Might be be something different one night.

[He pulls a face as he thinks this over, still idly scratching the jiggling jowls of Sir Droolbutt, as comfortable and content as he'd be lounging in his own bed in spite of such invasive conversation. After a few moments of clear Deep Thinking...]

Maybe I will. [Said lightly, the idea of looking a bit lady-ish not at all one that bothers him. Lightly enough that it could be taken as a joke, even, but nope. This will be a conversation again one day and he knows better than to crawl back into Jeff's bed to give him a full report on what April would do with him while he wore a Lady Gaga wig like the monster he is.] Later, though. She's already aware this is a boy's night in.

[Literally a boy's night in Jeff's bed but who's counting?]

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