infomodder | IC contact [Mask or Menace]

There was talk of monsters and what makes someone bad or good.

[ It's difficult not to take them to heart when she hasn't been able to stop thinking about home and what happens next for her. ]

[...perhaps making dinner isn't the best idea. It's not like April and he don't have leftovers or pop-tarts or the ability to walk down the street and pick up something. So there's a moment where all noise of life continuing without disruption stops entirely, Will pulls out a kitchen chair, and sits. To give Sasha full focus, inwardly kicking himself for falling behind on his general Network perusal in favor of cramming law and other boring crap in his head. He's not opposed to this conversation, and it's certainly not a burden. It's just worth absolute attention. Sasha deserves that much.]

So...are you rethinking what you believe, or having trouble with other people's opinions, or something else?

It's...

[ A combination of all three to some degree. ]

I understand this is a very personal question, but uh...

... have you ever hurt someone trying to stop them?

[Oh hell. Will takes a second, torn between reassuring her that personal questions are fine and just answering her immediately to show as much without saying it, and then:]

Several times. [The frown on his face is almost audible.] Part of the job, sometimes. Yes, I have.

[Why?]

[ Confirmation should relieve her, but somehow it has the opposite effect; she thinks maybe Will didn't change because he's been doing it a long time and that, as far as she believes, he's a good person.

Maybe Crane and this Jung person are wrong. Maybe not everyone has a monster inside of them. ]

I wonder... if it must be hard to hurt another human being. We've fought titans for the longest of times. I don't hesitate to raise my blade against a titan.

[ With the exceptions being Reiner and Annie usually... only she actually did attack them with the intention of stopping Annie in any way possible. ]

[Crane is wrong about a lot of things.]

I've never enjoyed it. [Lied about enjoying it, sure.] If it's you or them, or if they're going to hurt someone else, someone who doesn't have the ability to defend themselves...not much else to do.

[Shooting people in the hospital, that's an ideal spot. Plenty of help nearby. But his concerns about this are growing, bit by bit. Does...Sasha have someone in mind, has someone threatened her, or is this all just hypothetical? One is more preferable to the other, by leaps and bounds.]

Is it so simple?

[ And being able to do it over and over. It's part of his job, though it gets her wondering if it does change you after all. Armin and Jean seemed a bit different after going home, so she has to wonder what frame of mind she'll be in if she ever goes back home and experiences what's lying ahead for her. ]

[Not when there are cannibals around.]

Every situation is unique, but...if there isn't any other way, there isn't any other way. [The word simple is so simple...] That's. My take on it.

[For whatever it matters.]

... do you think it changed you?

[ What she's hesitant to ask is: for the better or worse? ]

[All these conversations happen while he's in the kitchen, don't they.]

Sure it did. [She's hesitant to ask, he's hesitant to go into too much detail.] Every time I've had to do it, I've changed. That's why I only do it if I have to.

[Worse, usually.]

Oh...

[ WHAT KIND OF ANSWER WAS SHE EXPECTING. She doesn't even know herself. ]

[Will tries to keep his infomodding to murderers after they've murdered, so he can't say what answer she was expecting, either.]

Who's been talking about this stuff anyway?

[You know, so he can bark at them. Maybe. Depending on what he finds.]

No one! [ Did that sound too forced? ] I mean... I've been thinking... a lot. For a while...

[Dangerous thinking, it spreads.]

And it gave you more questions than you had before you started thinking about it so much?

.... yes.

Dr. Crane said we all have monsters inside us and that it doesn't seem to be a bad thing necessarily, but... I don't really know if you can still call yourself a good person if you do something bad.

[Ah, yes, Crane has been reading Harry Potter.

Quietly, in the way that suggests Will's not aware he's saying it out loud, Sasha gets:]

What a crock of shit.

[That moment when he realizes, on the tail end of such foul language, that he not only said it out loud, but said it out loud to a teenager:]

—I mean—

[—and then realizes said teenager is from the place as Annie, who's definitely heard such terrible language before. And that he's not really in the business of treating teenagers like actual infants, in any way, so the momentary lapse just drives it further home that, really, what he means is?]

Between us, what I mean is, the idea of every single person having a monster inside of them isn't something I'd consider accurate. [Wow such education much] Sounds like shit to me.

[better]

[ Some of the tension in her shoulder dissipates hearing that from Will. ]

Well, he did say sometimes things have to be done for the "greater good".

[ Therefore all this talk about evil and good are subjective, but she's still trying to wrap her head around it in a world where humans fight one another over so many petty things. ]

That defending ourselves isn't really "wrong" either...

[He's going to stare at Crane a little more than usual next time they see each other at work, he just knows it's going to happen.]

Defending yourself isn't wrong. How you defend yourself, though, that's important. [Dinner might not be getting made, but coffee. Coffee is definitely happening.] No offense meant to Doctor Crane by what I just said, of course.

[Still shit, tho.]

[ She's quiet for a good twenty seconds. ]

... if I tell you something, will you keep it a secret?

[Immediate, curious:]

I will.

[ Quietly: ]

I think in my future I might... hurt some people. Jean and Armin said our plans succeeded, but I haven't experienced that yet.

[Oh.]

But you don't know if you actually did hurt anyone? They won't tell you?

[ She's been afraid to ask. ]

Jean said we have to be prepared to kill. Armin already —

It doesn't sound like there's a way around it.

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the accursed one word reply

the most dreaded

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