IC contact [Mask or Menace]

[infomodder]

"Gone fishing."

[ so don't leave messages to ruin the after fishing glow !!!

your one stop shop for not leaving him alone ]

Comments

[takethestairs]

Not yet, but considering what happened the last time he showed his face around here, I don't want to take any chances.

[infomodder]

[He doesn't like where this is going at all, but...maybe it's not the worst possible outcome he's thinking of. Maybe it's something milder. Maybe? He'll play it off as long as he can, no need to get defensive or aggravated on what he thinks when that might not be the case. So a moment's pause follows before he takes air in through flared nostrils like they're just discussing an issue with home repair, and:]

So what would you like me to about it, exactly?

backdated to May 7

[brushoff]

okay I have a question for you because it's probably something they teach you at FBI school
but first I ask for a blanket request of 'no judging dorian'

[ said knowing that he's gonna be judged a little bit anyway ]

[infomodder]

you got it
what's the question?

[did you eat someone dorian

because he might judge a bit]

[brushoff]

best way to get large amounts of blood out of the couch?

[takethestairs]

I'd like to hear your professional opinion on him, if you don't mind. Between his past rampages and his recent gloating, there should be plenty of material to work with.

[infomodder]

take a cool damp sponge/rag and blot the blood, working from the outside in
mix cold water with club soda and pour onto the area, repeat the sponge blotting
repeat this until the sponge no longer draws blood
mix water (80%) with glycerin (10%) and laundry detergent (10%) in a cup/bowl, pour into a bottle, shake it well until it's all blended as one
spray a few times directly on the stain and scrub with the sponge in a circular motion
once you're done, pour cold water over it and dry with a towel



or get a new couch

[brushoff]

i probably need a new couch.

[ cause ahaha wow that is EFFORT, fuck that ]

[infomodder]

you realize you can't just drop off a bloody couch without someone taking note though

[brushoff]

shit
you're right
how do you get rid of a bloody couch?

[infomodder]

[Free couch echoes in the background.]

set it aside for me
i can get blood stains out of couches no problem
and april and i could use something nice to go with the cheeseburger beds in the guest room

[brushoff]

[ on the one hand, Dorian knows that there's no way in hell he'd be able to get the bloodstains out of the couch by himself.
on the other hand, he's giving Will the blood and sex couch. does he really wanna do that to poor april ]

why yes will, i'd be more than happy to gift you a used couch.
just ftr when it's your actual birthday i'll do SO much better

[ sorry Will ]

[infomodder]

[blood and sex couch, the newest album by lady gaga]

i can come get it saturday if that's good for you
and my birthday is december 25 so you have a while to figure out something better
or forget it completely

[brushoff]

good with me! i'll at least be nice enough to try and get it close to the door
and i'll pencil it in on my calendar.
(mine's november 8 btw)

[infomodder]

that's so thoughtful of you, i appreciate it
and you can tell me where the blood came from in the first place
(kind of surprised you remember fyi)

[brushoff]

[ TIME TO LIE ]

I was watching a friend's dog. dog lost his shit when some people had a party in the parking lot. dog bust a window open with his nose and decided the best way to make his nose stop bleeding was to rub it all over the couch and then sleep on it
needless to say i am never watching that fucking dog again

[infomodder]

[ABOUT INJURED DOGS? TO WILL GRAHAM? DORIAN WHY]

the dog's gonna be all right though isn't he?

[brushoff]

[ FEEL SYMPATHY FOR THE DOG MAYBE??? ]

dog's fine. when i came home, he'd licked his nose enough that it wasn't bleeding anymore

[infomodder]

[PROTECT THIS DOG AT ALL COSTS

ends up dead on hannibal's kitchen floor]

thank god
happy ending

[brushoff]

except for my couch

[ #priorities ]

really tho, thanks again for agreeing to take this couch off my hands

[infomodder]

[doge tho]

no problem
what else are on call former attendees of fbi school for

text | backdated to 5/11

[huntergames]

what sort of things does april like

[brushoff]

and i bet this isn't the weirdest question you've had to deal with since arriving here

[infomodder]

the cheapest would probably be art made out of garbage
are you good with your hands?
you could make her a raccoon if you feel have you have to give her something at all

[huntergames]

a raccoon made out of garbage
isn't that unsanitary