cr chart;

[infomodder]

CROSS-CANON CR CHART
	JOFFREY BARATHEON ❧ A Song of Ice and Fire ❧ bratking King of the Angles (???) the Rhydons (gotta catch ‘em all) and the First Men (cavemen???), Lord of the Seven Kingdoms (biblical number, surely it doesn’t mean anything), and Protector of the Realm (but what is a gun????). Kicker of dogs, lover of waffles. More like “King Of Pissing Off Everyone In His Entire World,” holy shit. Thirteen-year-old brat granted extreme power, how could this have gone wrong? Not at all envious of this world. Probably thinks I have some sort of respect for his crown because I look down. Sorry, I just don’t like eye contact. I also don’t like your antler crown. Where else is there to look? Upset the apple cart pretty badly, nice to know who would be on the menu if Lecter ever showed up. Possibility of being a cannibal: highly unlikely. Menu: Lemon Meringue Pie. That hair.
	SIRIUS BLACK ❧ Harry Potter ❧ doggedly Likes dogs. So did Hitler. I also like dogs, but I am not like Hitler. He’s probably not either, but it’s something to keep in mind. Charming young man. So was Hitler. Possiblity of being a cannibal: highly unlikely. Menu: Questionable processed hamburger. By which I mean: dogburger.
	EVELYN CARNAHAN ❧ The Mummy ❧ proudofwhatiam Smart, old-fashioned (for obvious reasons), seemingly not at all put off by talk of death. Possibly because she was almost a sacrifice for a mummy in love. Good idea not to make mummy jokes around her. Also a good idea to not talk to her very much because good Lord. They don’t make them like her anymore. Seems to get along well with dogs, which is a plus. And, also, makes the idea of staying away even better because no thank you, we cannot share much more in common without you getting too close. It’s not you. Really, it’s not. It’s me. Possibility of being a cannibal: probable. Mummy meat might have fallen without her realizing it. Menu: Coffee cake. The top layer is actually skin.
	ALBUS CRAWFORD-LECTER DUMBLEDORE ❧ Harry Potter ❧ palebee What a dickhole assfuck douchebag piece of SHIT God I do not like this guy but that’s probably because he caught onto me. Literally leave my life forever. Don’t fucking touch my dogs or talk about my dogs or speak to me EVER AGAIN. I DON’T NEED YOUR RECIPES I’M A GROWN ASS MAN I CAN MAKE MY OWN FUCKING EGGS! You don’t just give a teacher that much homework, you shithead. I don’t care about your life at all, stop telling me about parental issues and how you’re European because you are one set of missing eyebrows away from making me believe you hail from Canniballand. Just be gone. Possibility of being a cannibal: very likely. Menu: Bowl of Lucky Charms, you magically delicious PAIN IN MY ASS.
	THE DOCTOR (ELEVEN) ❧ Doctor Who ❧ comeonthensexy EUROPEAN. SNAZZY DRESSER. NO EYEBROWS. Possibility of being a cannibal: IMPOSSIBLY HIGH. Menu: nothing I’m not tempting cannibals ain’t nobody got time for that.
	BETH GREENE ❧ The Walking Dead ❧ partinglass This is someone who definitely belongs in Sigyn. Very kind, not at all put off by me being in ridiculous clothes and all banged up. Don’t find that very often. Little worried about her and her boyfriend’s situation, but I can only do so much. She really shouldn’t be coming to me for help anyway, unless she’d like to lose an ear and, most likely, everything else. Possibility of being a cannibal: not on my watch. Which is, granted, pretty bad because of the eyes and veils and whatnot. Menu: a fajita. Something spicy with a bit of bite.
	REMUS LUPIN ❧ Harry Potter ❧ theshabbiestofmen Never talked to him, and probably shouldn’t. Look at his name and think for a second. What do you see? Mother fucking werewolf, that’s what I see. Naturally, he’s a werewolf. But it’s a secret. This cannot be real. ReMUS LUPin THE SECRET WEREWOLF!!!!! I’ve read some shit in my day, but holy fuck. Why. Never ever speaking to him, because that would go really badly. “Oh your name is Remus? Is that a pack name?” “What?” For the best we never speak. Possibility of being a cannibal: what else do werewolves eat? Menu: nothing, because anyone who tries to kill and cook a werewolf is a fucking idiot, and the cannibals I know aren’t that stupid. Good on you, totally secret werewolf.
	SER JORAH MORMONT ❧ A Song of Ice and Fire ❧ dishonouring No one tells me that I cannot tame a dog-like creature. I am going to collect every direwolf this side of Asgard and train them in the art of not being violent and prone to ripping people’s arms off without snarling. Who the fuck does this guy even think he is? Possibility of being a cannibal: probable. Menu: something tropical and involving coconuts. He gives me Baloo vibes.
	THOR ODINSON ❧ Marvel Cinematic Universe ❧ subecho I’m secure enough in my masculinity to feel perfectly at ease confessing this man (god?) is very attractive. The hair, the eyes, the muscles, the voice, it’s all…I’m still secure. Yes. Possibility of being a cannibal: highly likely. Gods are bizarre. Menu: whipped cream and now I’m losing that security. I just went from a 0 to a 7 on the Kinsey Scale, and I’ve never even talked to him.
	ARTHUR PENDRAGON ❧ Merlin ❧ pratentious Once and Future King. Sword in the Stone. Some lady in water, if I recall correctly. Seriously going to file a complaint about the guy who ties up my straitjacket, because it’s clearly cutting off the oxygen supply to my brain. What. Possibility of being a cannibal: fuck if I know my legends. Menu: pills. So many pills I cannot wait to shove down my throat.
	JACK SKELLINGTON ❧ The Nightmare Before Christmas ❧ curiousing WHERE ARE MY FUCKING PILLS!? Possibility of being a cannibal: HE’S A SKELETON WHAT DO YOU THINK. Menu: WHERE’S THE NURSE
	STEVEN SEVERUS SNAPE ❧ Harry Potter ❧ vulnera_sanentur Thanks for the job, now give me the emu. Possibility of being a cannibal: don’t care, just give me the emu. Menu: French fries so greasy that I’d have to wring them out on a napkin and pray Lecter didn’t see me because he’d slap me so hard I’d probably remember everything that happened when I blacked out. Talk about a backfire, all in the name of gourmet food.
	ROBB STARK ❧ A Song of Ice and Fire ❧ needsnoheadsman You got 99 problems, but a direwolf ain’t one. Yet. I have so much bacon stored up, and next time? I’m not telling anyone I took him. Possibility of being a cannibal: direwolf. Menu: DIREWOLF
	EFFIE TRINKET ❧ Hannibal Jizzes His Pants The Hunger Games ❧ chinsup Talked to her super briefly. She incites distressing feelings inside me. I see her head, I want cotton candy. It worries me, because it’s close to cannibalism, even if I wouldn’t eat her hair. I don’t think talking to her would go over well. I’d end up staring and randomly asking if she wanted something to eat, which would sound like a date, and it’s really just me trying to avoid blurting out that her hair makes me hungry. That sounds really, really bad. Possibility of being a cannibal: unlikely. Menu: sugar. Sugar cane sugar. Fresh.
	RORY WILLIAMS ❧ Doctor Who ❧ timesnewroman Watch your back, I like your dog. I really, really, really like your dog. Possibility of being a cannibal: that is a big dog. Menu: that’s my dog.

CASTMATES
	ABIGAIL HOBBS ❧ Hannibal (NBC) ❧ climbingwalls Part of me wants to blame you for what happened, because you trusted Lecter way more than you trusted me. But I can’t do that, even if my thinking is impaired (which is less frequently, but still happens more than I’d like). I wouldn’t have trusted me either. He’s everything I wasn’t and never will be. He would never have said those things to you, things I regret deeply and honestly can’t believe came out of my mouth. I hate that the last memory I have of you is that, and then I have no idea what happened after. All I know is that he killed you, and I can’t take that back. I couldn’t protect you from him. I couldn’t protect you from anything. He called us your fathers. Fathers don’t do what yours did, and fathers don’t do what Lecter did, either. I’m so, so sorry that I couldn’t balance that out. I can’t be a father to anyone, but I can promise you that whenever I get back, no matter what it takes, he’ll get his. If I can do it without telling your secret in the process, then I’ll be hitting a home run. You were never another stray to me. I’ll never have a dog in my house with your name. I’ll never put up pictures of you in the paper. I’ll never have your face lingering around my house. But that doesn’t mean you won’t always be on my mind. I failed you more than I have ever failed anyone else, and I’d do anything to take it back. I can’t, and “I’m sorry” isn’t good enough. You deserved so much better than what you got. You deserved a chance, one I was never able to give you. When I remember, there will be a reckoning, and he won’t be able to stop it. That’s all I can give you now. I’m so sorry I failed you.
	WILL GRAHAM ❧ Hannibal (NBC) ❧ infomodder My name is Will Graham. Isn’t it?

credit: alreadylost